"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
~ Helen Keller (1880-1968)
Words really are meaningless without ACTION to back them up. What are words, just another form of communication.
Sometimes, my blogs appear to be defensive, they probably are but while I have a VOICE & half- a brain, I will use them to capacity... if anybody has a retort, Id be glad to hear it.... just as long as I refuse to be your victim or victimize myself!
Some of us put too much emphasis on things said at the spur of the moment as opposed to observing how we treat others especially those who can not get us ahead in life. Everybody expects me to be the calm easy going one in the crowed- at FIRST- im even tempered most of the time.
Everyone acts shocked when I catch an "attitude" all of a sudden which is rare but once it starts- watch out! Im not the best at snappy comebacks & most people are physically larger than me expect for my uh-hum boobies;) So I yell & even call people names. Naturally, Im uber embarrassed afterwards- hey, there is usually alcohol involved.
Its not always about my PAST or haunted childhood- why cant it be about the situation: the here & now...when I decide to go out dancing, which isnt often these days, Im living for the moment- maybe an occasional nipple pops out but im not worried, there is NO paparazzi following me around lol.
I will be the FIRST to admit, I have a crazy side, an emotional side, a bitchy side + most importantly, a compassionate side-
To clarify- crazy is not insane- sometimes, I let loose after a long week of tedious seriousness- let loose be the operative word- although many of my values are CONSERVATIVE, my actions are not. Its a struggle within me to discover the fine balance between "Fun girl" + "crazy chick".
It was easy to compartmentalize those two different sides of myself until recently, a dear friend made me realize my *spirituality* clashes with my lifestyle - or the one I'm trying to LEAVE behind me. You see, people get lost in their own little worlds, the ones they create to avoid reality.
In time, with patience & perhaps after a SEED is planted within their hearts, the truth will be revealed to them with love & compassion. All I want for people is to receive the gift, I had been given by complete strangers- the GIFT to heal yourself. It starts with forgiving yourself. We all make mistakes. Its never too late to turn your life around. YOU must be the one to do it. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom or losing some sort of SECURITY. Whatever the case may be - keep the FAITH.
Life is seriously too short (here on earth) to worry what others think about you- in the end its ONLY hearsay- FURTHER more, with the advancement of the world & history in the making- RECOGNIZE there are bigger things going on besides you & me- accusations, finger pointing, worry - they only exacerbate the issue at hand. They dont ADD anything particularly positive to our thought processes.
On that note, I refuse to let other people's pettiness, jealousy, & insecurities control me. If I said things that hurt, well we all have, maybe its time to face your own truth & reality - life is full of phonies whether you want to believe it or not & there is also a time to be REAL & a time to a bitch. Im not saying be cruel- I have a heart. Still, its better to be blunt than sugar coat all your syllables.
YOU know who you are + so does the man upstairs- after all he created you.
What others say or think should have no bearing on your LIFE unless you let it.
I'd like to say its much easier to be independant so the opinions of others really don't matter but we are still memeber of society + should live according to our culture in order not to become an OUTSIDER.
Needless to say its not easy. My character is strong- I have a sharp tongue + my intense passion + temper do get the best of me- at 27, I'm realizing how much more I have to learn about respect.
I have never claimed to be perfect, although I grew up in a perfectionist family- logically, I understand its impossible for any human being to be the picture of perfection.
Its yet another life lesson.
Human nature will always be inconsistent- there is no point bringing up that he said - she said crap- its a waste of energy.
Seriously, the best way to handle conflict or rumors is to walk away - give the dust time to settle so to speak.
The more we know, the longer we exsist- the MORE we will realize how much is out of our control- all we can do is ACCEPT it & move on.
The Lord only HELPS those who help themselves- even Jesus, a man who preached love + forgiveness was misunderstood.
I'm not an expert on the bible, I barely go to church, but the times I have knelt at the pew, my heart sank- tears welled up in my eyes bc. Yes, I was humbled by the presence of something GREATER.
We cannot see it. If you just close your eyes in room full of people, you know it is there- it has touched you deep in your soul.
You are free + you are forgiven.
Xoxo. Crystal.
