Actions Speak LOUDER than words....

"The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn."

I've discovered that its NOT money $ or $EX that makes me "fulfilled"...
The way I was living my life had to change, we have to change inside in order to change our outside environment- Im detached from those PAST people & places - they have been purged out of my life like poison extracted from a snake bite - I was weak willed not so long ago- time has given me my healthy view of the world again.

YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE....when you're unhealthy, you attract TRASH - Also, the dark is attracted to the light- people who are empty inside feed off the energy of warm & open people, in fact, it is that envy & insecurity within that made them empty to begin with - Make a self affirmation- I BLOCK negative energy & negative people away from me - say it out loud- its like an invisible restraining order- there were a couple people I met this year alone, I almost got an actual one written up...never in my life had I attracted to garbage as this year ALONE _ Im so happy they are out of my life!!! Only the people I choose to keep close have remained;-)

So many people Talk about injustice, they only move their mouths- its time somebody with a vision took more ACTION!!!

Its helping people, representing women as the good -hearted nurturers we were meant to be - its a new found HOPE & spirituality - its inspiration from women like Hilary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, & Marilyn Monroe -

A woman is meant to be soft, sexy, strong, maternal, WOMANLY - not a starving, waif that looks like a 13-year old boy - a woman is not meant to VALUE herself ONLY by her physical appearance, but we do- Its ingrained in us from the time we can comprehend what it MEANS to be feminine- How desirable are we to men?

Men have always objectified women - we are their trophies, their prized :possessions: then they DEGRADE us- we are also their whore, sluts, etc...

No wonder we are confused. Its unfortunate when women, then turn on one another- only adding to the mass hysteria of a woman's identity. I have been a supporter of womens rights & equality but never knew it- I ask myself- Why do I have to have a BIG WHITE wedding or even marry at all - unless I truly loves this man with all my mind, body, & soul....

I realize I do want a proper marriage but not a big wedding to show off to the world- I want marriage so I can have a family- the one I never had- with a mommy & daddy there for their children, TOGETHER as one, ONE unit - unless you have been abandoned, you will never know what torment it feels like- the guilt, the shame- you grow up to blame yourself over & over in your adul relationships- why did he leave me? Why didnt he want me- my own parents didnt want me- it has to be ME.

I sympathized with the lost, abused women int he world- I want to HELP them:

Sometimes those women have turned against me & defended the man who abuses them - in anger, I have said some thing I regret, in a way I dont- its like if you want to come to me for help then defend a monster then maybe, just maybe, you like to be USED - thats the mentality of most people out there- I know its much more complicated than that...

We should never ask- why does HE hurt me- why does he abuse women? You should always ask yourself: WHY DO I STAY?

Nobody can FIX you , but they cam try to HELP you & this is what my fight is about- its not to hurt people- its to HELP them discover their self worth - to gain their self respect again to FIGHT for their deserved freedom - we are not wild animals locked up in a cage- we are human beings who deserve a chance to reach our given potential.

Is this makes me a bitch or a bad person then I dont know what a good person should be- Im not trying to be anybody but myself- my passion is to make others aware of themselves- of their purpose in life then they can be strong enough to stand on their own & feel they have something to live for instead of complaining about their miserable existance, they can walk around with a big smile on their face & be thankful to be alive.

Surviving is NOT enough, ladies, its LIVING....ITS LIFE.

xoxo C*

I have met brave women who are exploring the outer edge of human possibility, with no history to guide them, and with a courage to make themselves vulnerable that I find moving beyond words. ~ Gloria Steinem

My intervention with G-D & some other SUPER - HERO SH*T. (Part ONE)

The meaning of good and bad, of better and worse, is simply helping or hurting. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hello there kids. Before I get started, let me just clarify, Im not a Religious fanatic...there was even a time when i did not believe in god- I was 12 years old, in the 6Th grade:

I remember during our lunch break in the school cafeteria telling my best friend Natalia- God does not exist - I swore she was gonna throw her sloppy ~ joe at me!

GROW up Crystal. She said in a huff. She angrily walked away. I saw her whispering into other people's ear. They gathered in a group collectively scowling at me like I was the devil incarnate. I felt absolutely sick, sick to my stomach.

That was not my first time feeling alienated in life. The problem was, I knew that feeling all to well. Alienation is also an action. It was also a movie: Alien Nation. I can assure you 1. Im not an alien 2. Im not the next David Koresh nor am I the next Dalai Lama.

Perhaps a TRUE messiah will arrive & flip all this incredible hatred around. Lord knows, we need more peace than violence. But Im not a preacher either. So let me get to the POINT of this blog.

Im just a simple gal with "ordinary" powers of persuasion. Im a dork & a socialite but by no means a famous one- Im somewhat popular among my peers- most of my life I was a wallflower until I turned 25 & broke out of the mold society wanted to SUFFOCATE me in.

In some small way, I would like to change the world - show others that you dont have to boxed in or labeled as this way or that- this attitude breeds bitterness. Its already a confusing time for impressionable minds, why cant we just let young people, especially grow on their own. I was quiet & shy b/c at home i was oppressed- I was forced to listen much more than express my own opinion. Perhaps that's why now, i have so much to say but Im also learning to a point they were right - always listen carefully to wiser people. NEVER ever assume. Always ask question, just not the kind that will get you in hot water!

It tool so much internal work. Its hard work that never ends if you want to evolve. It continues with your children,if you choose to have any. Ultimately it ends with you..who are you?

Its NOT your job, your home, your cars, its not how much money you make- all of that can change in an instant- call it Karma or a reversal of fortune- those are all things out of our control.

What do I know? There is constant battle between good & evil. The angel & the devil - no, I wont even put them in the same league as god or Jesus. In the superhero heir achy we have:



Batman, Superman. Spider man, He-man, The transformers, even The Teenage Mutant Turtles - they are SAFE heroes b/c we know they were all created by some comic geek(s). Its okay for us to pour out millions of dollars & hours of our precious times watching these Hollywood blockbusters & reading the comic books, collecting the cards, etc...

Then their is GOD- some argue, another MAN_MADE creation- fair enough. Everyone is entitle to their OPINION. This is a free society.

Then their are not-so free societies bond by strict codes of religion- like Muslims- Im not attacking them. They have a right to believe in the Koran, in fact this is book written by Prophet Mohamed before our grand parent's grandparents were even a twinkle in their parent's eyes. To my knowledge the koran is full of life lessons. Depending how one interprets it, women are not mistreated & sorry, gentlemen, their are not 40 virgins waiting for you in heaven waiting to feed you grapes day & night.

I heard somewhere "grapes" are promised: I think you have to feed ourself=0
Why in the world would an experienced man want a virgin, let alone 40!?! Even if they are drop-dead gorgeous*Boring* This means they are plump with beautiful faces, okay, thats an interesting image. I bet the grapes are soggy and sour...

Younger men dont need a virgin either, they must learn from a woman with some skills...suicide is not the answer. You will never have game if a virgin is your first sexual experience. Killing innocent people is not the answer- pick up hobby. How about.... golf?

Like Spiderman or superman or most recently Bat Man, aptly nicknamed the "Dark Knight" in his last film;-) what do they have in common - for those paying attention. our Bruce Wayne was battling the desire to let the Joker continue on his cruel & crazy ways or take revenge on all the pointless killings he committed. rather passive-aggressively. You, see, the Joker is a lot like the devil- it was never his fault, he doesnt even get accused, cleaver eh- *Cough* They are both grade-A bastards: The devil & The Joker.
They have the evil intent yet they get others, their minions to do the dirt work for them. Human will is weak & the devil knows that-

What the Joker doesnt get is that he is a one trick pony. He is delusional believing he has all the power & control when others see him as a complete joke..hes bitter & alone b/c he cares for nobody, never seeing beyond his own pain & past, I felt sorry that his father permanently mutilated him. This is no excuse to be a bastard -hes the ultimate in selfishness. Unfortunately, he will remain in the darkness with his heart & soul.

*Cliches* have a point: Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing, keep your friends close your enemies closer- one day, the meek shall inherit the earth
You will never be abandoned in your darkest hour, somebody is looking over you, protecting you, have faith & be strong....you dont have to prove yourself, thats the action of FOOLS- be humble & keep your cool.

Jesus was a martyr - he never said take REVENGE on your enemies- he said LOVE your enemies, pray for them. I do.
like all decent people, he took the blame for all the bad things happening in his time - he never fought his enemies, he knew he could never change their minds & he accepted his fate. Today he is an inspiration to millions. Look at Martin Luther King jr. * Ghandi- all men of peace, intellect, & non-violence- they were murdered by COWARDS - only weak people use physical force to get their way.

Do you ever wonder where miracles come from? Why have we become so blind, so jaded that we let hatred over power love- its out there. Thats why no matter how unlucky my life has been, I focus solely on all the blessings in my life.

God or Allah are the ULTIMATE superheros in the Bible, Torah, & Koran - hopefully you connect the "Bat man" analogy. Has the *light bulb* turned on yet?

Ah, if it were only that simple.

The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.

Socrates (BC 469-BC 399) Greek philosopher of Athens

To be continued....

Booty Calls Part 2.

Read part 1 - please so you have a better understanding of my "situation"

Basically, Im not going to let anyone psh me into random sex so I can feel better about my bf, Matt being away for 4 months. I got 2 signs recently that Im on the "right" path.

1) I was watching MTV- which I rarely do these day & there was a show called: TRUE LIFE - its an hour "reality show" about different topics young people face.
This episode was called: Im celibate.

**Celibacy refers to being unmarried or abstaining from sexual intercourse (i.e., chastity). A vow of celibacy is a promise not to enter into marriage or engage in sexual intercourse.

I caught the show half way through to a young man from the south- good looking & popular- a definite party guy with a lot of friends who chose to be celibate until he found the woman he would MARRY- this was not bullshit folks.

He was being interviewed while driving on his way to a party (he still maintained a healthy social life). I could tell he was not doing this for attention: tears welled up in his eyes as he spoke- there is no great approval than that from god he said. He is highly respected in his "group" & even seen as a role model to his peers.

Why is that? I believe he has a purpose- maybe he was sent a message from up above, who know- this was a message for me as well...

2) I found a website Amazing Angel Stories.
While I was on the train going to Soho to look for a job, I decided to search for inspiring stories- so I got on my blackberry & did a google search where I found this inspiring story appropriately titled: Boyfriend.God. and Angel Story.

As I began reading it & its similarities to mine- shes a Canadian (Im american) and he is British...Hhmmm- it sounded mighty familiar. Naturaly, I began to tear up- then end of the story was the most touching - what this woman said:

The greatest thing I have learned was, a little bit of true faith in God from a genuine and open heart will always show you how GOD AND HIS ANGELS WILL ALWAYS RISE ABOVE EVERYTHING, AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT HE CAN NOT DO FOR YOU. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO RECEIVE WHAT YOU NEED FROM HIM IS TO LEARN TO HAND OVER ANY ISSUE OR DESIRE TO HIM AND THEN TO TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITH ALL YOUR HEART. THEN YOU WILL SEE HOW PERFECT HIS TIMING IS AND YOU WILL ALWAYS EXPERIENCE THE GREATEST JOY AS YOU REALIZE HOW POWERFUL AND TRUE HIS LOVE IS FOR YOU.

(The angels God sent showed us that two people in love and in unity with God at the center of that love relationship is what brings them the greatest joy.)

I want to do the RIGHT thing by my relationship. Im choosing to not cheat on him now - yes, I have in the past & he knew b/c Im a terrible liar lol;-0

Deep in my heart, i feel its what i must do to keep a clear conscience, this is not holding me back. Im still going to go out & have a great time. We all must practice moderation & self control or we are no better than a wild animal.

What makes us human is our ability to think for ourselves. To make rational decisions-

For every action, there is an equal & opposite reaction.
~Sir Issac Newton.

Think about it=)
Peace out.
xoxo