Every year in America, there are about 5000 spinal cord injuries. When there is major damage to brain & spinal cord, a person is classified as “quadriplegic” - “paralysis of 4 limbs” (latin)
On Sunday morning, on 3 hours of sleep, I got into a cab from my home in Queens to 99th Street & Madison avenue to Kingenstein Clinical center 2nd floor- The mobility treatment room.
Central park is across the street, madison, park and fashion avenues are within walking distance. Despite the lack of shut eye- I was wide awake & excited to help serve breakfast to patients with brain & spinal cord injuries. For some reason I am not afraid of suffering- I’ve experienced enough for 2 lifetimes. I also know I have the ability to help “heal” those in pain.
I want to give others, the gift of peace I have been given.
My instincts never fail me. I knew this was the proper project for my uneasy heart.
The weather was sunny & breezy but a perfect spring day in NYC. We haven’ had weather like this in ages. My heart was beating fast, not knowing what to expect. Usually I avoided hospital- as a child, when my brother & I were taken from our parents we were placed in the Childrens ward in a hospital with children who had cancer, AIDS, serious injuries, etc… we were there for neglect & abuse.
My relationship with the health care industry is love hate. Nurses and doctors have always been kind to me. However, I began to see the health care industry itself has become impersonal, greedy, patients become about numbers & money. My aunt who raised me is a doctor- a successful, compassionate, & independent woman. She is no doubt a wonderful person who instilled selflessness within me.
As I walked past security. I saw a young man in a wheel chair. We smiled at each other, going up? WE got into the elevator. The smell of pancakes and bacon ruminated into the air. I knew this was the right place. The hall way was white. The lights florescent. The ambiance was serious yet calm.
I walked a few steps into a brightly lit room- two young women were cooking on the stove- there was enough meat, eggs, and pancake mis to feed an army. A petite older woman with a big smile approached me” I’m Esther, the team leader, nice to meet you Crystal.
It was awkward at first- I was right on time but it seemed everything was taken care of- table clothes, plastic knives & forks. My duty was to get everyone’s name & ask about their dietary restrictions.
Two people grabbed my attention. They were sitting at a round table in the back of the room- I was told they could not speak b/c of their breathing tubes. They were extremely aware of their surroundings. Both of them could move their upper bodies and made perfect eye contact!
The young woman was a 28 year old from the Bronx named Nicole or Nicky, so liked to be called. The older man was a spitting image of my uncle, his name was John. At 67, he was 10 years younger yet the resemblance was uncanny. Immediately, I had to hold back tears as they spoke to me.
They were difficult to understand so I had to lean in close & read lips, which I never have done before. Their stories & lives were unremarkable. And although they appear to have nothing in common on the outside, on the inside they created a unique friendship. It was more like father & daughter- John is married with 2 kids & 2 grandchildren. Nicky was single at the time of her accident.
Both had been in hospital for 6 months but Nicky was a total quadriplegic while John is considered a walking quad. Nicky could use her hands while John could not cut his own food or hold a pen. Shes Puerto Rican while he is Irish & French Canadian. Hes also a Vietnam war vet.
6 months ago Nicky worked on rooftops as a solar panelist. Her boss was rushing her to finish up her job when she slipped off the rooftop of someones home, breaking 2 discs in her back.
JOhn was doing handiwork in his back yard when his right leg caved in on him for no reason. He was home alone & in a lot of pain but managed to get a neighbors before he passed out. By the time the ambulance arrived it was too late, he too injured 2 discs in his upper back, however, nobody knows how it happened. John had been an accountant for a bank before he retired.
Ironically, Nicky had been born in Mount Sinai & now she is back to recover from a near fatal experience that has left her wheel chair bound for life. We found something in common- we are both pisces & love astrology. She had only keft the hospital once in the 6 months she has been there. Her mother visits her often. neither of them are lonely- they have friends & family who shower them with love & support.
I think especially for Nicky, its good to have a girl friend to talk to about life- a connection to the outside world not bound by blood but true camaraderie. Even though she cannot walk, she had the same concerns any young woman has. I gave her advice about her dry skin & she was grateful. I never had skin problems in my life she told me as she rubber her chin. I saw patches of dry skin. Then John chimed in: me too. I told them to drink plenty of water & moisturize everyday.
To cap off the morning we played 4 games of bingo where pretty cool prizes were given out- Nicky chose a Kasbian CD. She asked me if their music was good. I told her they are a popular British band. She never heard of them. Anything British gets my adrenaline going. It amused her- John won a beautiful bald point pen & tape measurer: I’m giving this to my wife he told me, so she can buy new furniture for our house.
I was inspired & humbled just by being blessed in their presence. It was not that either of them changed the world in anyway. They had changed their world & mine for a moment. They forced me to see how wasteful we can be with the freedom we are given.
I listened intently as they spoke. All our eyes began to water. We were connecting on a spiritual level, none of us with much in common but brought together for a reason. It was natural, sincere, & real- qualities many of us lack even when we speak to friends & loved ones. The sincerity of their everyday concerns just like everyone else- the focus was not on their disability but their story, their life-
I was feeling depressed for no reason. Sometimes, I feel life as no meaning. Especially when i see violence. I felt like telling them there is nothing your missing out there- to make them feel better. But there is love, light, & happiness. These two people brought me back to life. Every month I vowed to visit them & check up on their progress.
I have learned never to ask why me? I ask: why not me…
xo
