Always follow your heart. Please dont let your ego or pride get in the way. Be true to yourself. Always be honest to someone who loves you- its never easy to tell that person you do not love them anymore. What worse is, you cannot stop thinking about another man. My biggest regret is not being able to articulate this to him in person - words could never do justice to the depth that consumes me. words confuse a situation more. It took me months to even have the courage to write this down.
Its not that I do not respect the relationship I have. Not many I know are willing to carry on an overseas romance. It has as many ups and downs as the seas that separate us. He was there for me during a difficult time. I would have literally drowned out there without his love & support. I sincerely have a lot of good feelings toward this person who stood by me when I needed someone just to care. The problem is, he wants more than I want to give.
WE rarely appreciate a wonderful, sensual relationship that makes you tingle all over until you have experienced mediocrity or disappointments - most of us stay in “ok” relationships knowing that they are missing something. No matter how hard you try, once you meet someone who has treated you with genuine affection, care & the utmost respect, you cannot go onto someone who does not even touch you the same way. You learn the difference.
The choices we make ultimately show the world who we are.
When the chemistry between two people is so strong, the energy is felt by everyone around them. Its palpable. Thats when its real. When you are alone with that person, you should feel most comfortable, at ease. You dont have to pretend or try to impress them.
Foreplay. Most men & women have no clue what they are doing in the bedroom. I’ve met too many of those people. It should not have to feel like work or effort- it should just flow!
My standards are high. For a 27 year old, I have sacrificed my youth to be as wise as I am - younger men have always been attracted to me since they feel I have the experience but it cannot just be given away...I held myself back because I knew something greater was out there for me. I just knew it. In some ways I carry a certain innocence that others mistake for naivety.
The “other man” in question is successful, really handsome to me, funny, tough yet gentle, romantic, ambitious, tall: rock hard body and sparkling blue eyes, erotic, mysterious, misunderstood, as I discovered we have similar political & spiritual values. and nothing you would expect from a man of his caliber. Hes self made which makes him humble ... focusing on the positive qualities.
Although we met in a place that is full of shady characters, it was no mistake. Im finally turning a new leaf. Partly because I know Im worth more & partly to forget him. I want him to be proud of me- he knew my heart was kind. He gave me encouragement & confidence in a subtle way. There were many qualities he had I admired. Especially his work ethic. Hes not perfect, neither am I. We shared similar childhood experiences & even went to the same college- 20 years apart. I want someone like him who helps people that can do nothing for him. Thats the true measure of a man. He told me that he wanted nothing from me. Maybe he thought I could give him anything in return.
I want to be there for him without asking for anything because I know I dont have to. he knows what I need already. We support each other spiritually. Only my mother knows the depth I felt with him. Whatever moments we shared was nobody else’s business. They would not understand it. Still I cannot figure out why we shared so much. Then everything just stopped as if we never met. Im sure other women were involved- its not difficult for a wealthy charming man to find women who would be flattered by his attention.
People are summed up more than what we can see. There is a world within all of us that is richer than all the money in the world. If you only desired for your “things” thats a sad existance. Money never made anyone happy- so many young heirs commit suicide that show something to others. I saw someone human when he looked into my eyes. Was he running a “game” on me… I hope not. If so, I have to give credit where its due: Kudos!
Where does that leave me & the “mystery man”? If I could ever speak to him face to face.I would as him if he ever meant the things he said to me (thats between us). Were all his words all lies just to get me in bed or was the strong emotion we felt together real? Why would you try to steal me away from some else if you didn’t really care...was it for your own ego gratification...you have so many possessions as it is- why collect women who dont belong to you. There was damage caused. In fact, I left my boyfriend for you 6 months ago. The truth eventually came out. It was not about sex or your beautiful apartment or your magazine articles, your businesses or homes. It was you. I was overwhelmed. I dont see you fro months. We were both in relationships then you just pop up & expect me to drop my whole life to be with you- well, I would have done but you went back to your cocoon.
Im not out to use or manipulate anyone. I just know its rare to discover that kind of comfort level with someone. Lust was part it too. Yes, it was random. I will chalk it up to experience & put it in a book=) with juicy details minus your name- no worries. If you never come back into my life, we will surely survive!
Love is not only a powerful emotion. It is an action. Love is never satisfied in words alone- so much more is required in it’s action.
If it leaves you lonely & empty- what is it? Maybe Im comfortable in unrequited love. That way, your heart cannot break. All I know, is, my heart, body, & soul know more than my mind that Im in love. So if Im feeling nothing. I have to let it go- why is it so damned hard?
The only love I want is the kind that makes me want to be a better person. xox
