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Some people would rather get even than get ahead, stay focused on where you want to go

— ∫O̷b̷s̷e̷r̷v̷e̷ (@HigObservatory) February 12, 2015

Via @CollectiveEvol pic.twitter.com/gwoRUfcT96

— The Push Daily (@ThePushDaily) February 25, 2015

The Eternal Dance.

🌹Love me or leave me. This is more than physical. Your touch is mystical. Opposite attraction. Mutual satisfaction. Your eyes are locked forever imprinted in my memory. 🌹We chose each other; there was a sacred agreement we promised to fulfill. Yet we are human, our gift is free will. We can block the vibration in our hearts. Through distance and distraction. Living In constant motion. Drowning in a sea of secret emotion. Sudden Separation. 🌹Energy cannot be destroyed only transformed. You will project this loss onto someone else less worthy of your cosmic energy. We effortlessly succeed in our comfort Zone. How can we fail where we know our way around in the dark, the light of true love is the spark!! 💗In fear, we end up alone with nobody to call "home".  We ignore internal development. We deny who is heaven sent. Love me or leave me. Life is a mystery cloaked in Fate & destiny. This is our dance for eternity. ❤️#crystalism312

Be an individual. Pursue your passion.

Post by Crystal Hayward.

EMPATHY IS A GIFT.

Post by Crystal Hayward.

MANTRA FOR MOMS...

"It takes a whole village to raise a child." (African proverb).

It takes a VILLAGE to raise a content child. It takes a TEAM 

to build a successful business. There is no shame in asking 

For help. I am eternally grateful for family, friends, & 

neighbors who have supported my independence by 

babysitting & taking time out of your busy day to show 

you care. Being left with a child was not a choice, however, I 
am in control of my own destiny. Nobody else's opinion or 

actions dictates my life direction. Only me. Keeping it real.

So what am I doing? Getting a B.A. in psychology. Building 2 

businesses. Raising a beautiful little lady.

We are living in a woman's world - a place, even our mothers & grandmothers would have never imagined in their wildest dreams...I want to see all my friends succeed. 

As a single mom - All single parents, have a special place in my heart - we can accomplish anything with the right TEAM whether it be family, friends, or co-workers. Our children are our fuel. They feed our fire to do more. To be more. All mothers want a BETTER life for their babies. All it takes is the right combination of motivation and support.

Our common denominator is our children: Our greatest motivator.

I take responsibility for my life. I own my mistakes. I do not blame others.

Never waste a moment sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Take action. Take charge.This is YOUR life. Start today. Do not delay.

Positive thoughts create positive actions that lead to abundant results - The Law of Attraction.

The world I know. (A Poem).

Once upon a time

I went wearily wayward

Into a wild world

Where I almost drowned

In a flood of emotions

And a sea of ecstasy

Where nothing mattered

Except you. And me.

A Poem for Paul.

"Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation."Charlotte Bronte

Words can never express the strength of our connection. We defy convention: with good intention.

Our relationship has blossomed like a flourishing flower. Becoming more potent every minute and every hour.

I have FAITH we will continue to grow. As long as we go with the flow. Steady. Slow.

I cherish the time we spend together. I want to be wrapped up in your strong arms forever.

I have so much respect for the way you project positivity. We create our own reality. You stand your ground. Sturdy and strong. Moving along. Always up. Never down yet two feet firm on the ground. Our bond defies logic. Gravity cannot pull us down. Only one year ago we bare knew each other. It took time for my heart to flutter. But butterflies are not what I feel. We got something real. Nobody can manipulate or steal. This is written from my heart. The only place I know where to start. True love, once found cannot be torn apart.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY and to many, many more!!

Always & Forever,

Your muñeca. Crystal. <3 comment-3--="" nbsp="">

BIG BIRTHDAY shout to Paul Citroner!! I am proud to be by your side. To truly know you and what you have overcome.  You have accepted all of me. You treat Kylee as if she is your own daughter. My most cherished moments with you are not shared with the world but etched in my heart  Taught me the meaning of commitment. Today, I am blessed to have someone like you in my life. <3 .="" for="" i="" loving="" me="" thank="" you="">

Wedding Vows....( A poem)

Too many materialize the meaning of marriage - 

CHAINED to a legal & binding contract:

Two Signatures on paper is a permanent pact.   

Women fantasize about a sizable ring and a big "phat" WHITE wedding.

What makes a marriage work is daily DEVOTION -

And a commitment DEEPER than any ocean.

See, they are after the WRONG thing:

Chasing an impossible dream...

They say the vows:: In sickness AND in health -

In poverty AND in wealth.

What they really want is a FREE ride

Rather than to stand tall by their man's side.

When it's time to live up to their PARTNERSHIP

They either float effortlessly or

SINK like the Titanic SHIP -

Clinging onto *tiny* life rafts.

Afraid to drown - to drop their crown.

Leaving behind NO guilt or remorse

Until  the powers of a SUPERNATURAL force

Reveals to the LOVE they have lost

And the heartbreak avoided at all costs.

Consider this a REALITY intervention -

When you WISH for something to happen -

Put forth PURE intention.

XOXO

Promises.

You don't repair that relationship by sitting down and talking about trust or making promises. Actually, what rebuilds it is living it and doing things differently - and I think that is what is going to make the difference. ~Patricia Hewitt 

I have learned through life: never make a promise that you cannot keep. Especially to your children.

One of  the most truly tragic moments (one of many i have managed to survive) is the day when my parents lost custody of my brother Jeffrey & I. It was sudden, traumatic - every detail of that time is still burnt in my memory.

At first we were placed in the children's ward of the local hospital. I never knew why but there were placed with very sick children who had Cancer & broken bones. Other children walking around with IV's in their arms were all around us. To this day, the hospital is one place where I feel safe. It makes no sense. I just do. Even the food that everyone complains about is tolerable.

Anyways, every week we were told to pack our bags because we were going home! So we did what we were told. Keep in mind, our parents were not the greatest in  the world. Even as children we knew this. However they were the only parents we ever knew. I did miss the comfort of my own bed, cannot deny that.

So, every week was the same: we packed our bags & waited patiently only to be told, we would have to wait until "next time". No explanation - Nothing.

I was deathly afraid of the dark (still have that silly fear). The nurses on call would have to keep a night light on for me or I would suddenly wake up screaming & crying for my mother. Sure she had her issues but I missed her. Every child adores their mother: at least I did.

There are no words to describe the pain of having her there all the time then losing her for apparently no reason.

Now, as a mother myself I'm conflicted between wanting/needing the love of a man (romance & intimacy) & fulfilling my duties as a mother to nurture & protect my daughter who I will always love unconditionally.

Furthermore, experiencing 40 weeks of pregnancy & child birth makes me understand my own mother less. How could she have chosen my father (an abuser) over her own babies?

Perhaps there will never be an answer. All I know is that my mission is to forgive the Mistakes of my Mother. Move on. Learn from my own past & reverse the cycle.

Many blessings,

Crystal.

The Kiss.

I can taste the concept of conception churning on my tongue. Honey hung on his longing lips - too poisonous to kiss. Yet too prominent to miss. He grabbed my hand like a thief in the night. Held my bosom close to his chest. Well, you get the rest. The moment of spontaneous bliss sealed with a kiss – hands on my waist. Damn. Deception has a funny taste. I wouldn’t let that moment go for months. An undisclosed desire just between us…We were both on the same side. Yet there were feelings you chose to hide. 

You swallowed my SOUL slowly like sweet syrup as we spoke - surprised you didn't choke on your own words. Awesome. Absurd. All at once. You must have mistaken me for a dunce. I seemed to have misplaced my cap with your back handed slap. Were you playing me or her? Does it even matter anymore....

Lust and trust are incompatible mates. I let this ruminate before opening the flood gates. In the past I would have wanted to die – now, even my spirit could not cry. Why would I weep for another who I could not keep.  I choose my battles WISELY before going into war. To fight for you, I had to be 100% sure that you were the one I’d follow into the scorching sun. Therefore, I had to run the other way before it was too late: start a clean slate.

Sure, you can call me unstable but I am the one who is BRAVE enough to put my HEART wholly on the table. Treating my most delicate organ like a slab you could grab and steal yet never opening yourself up enough to truly feel. I held on for as long as I could until my knuckles were changing multiple colors and hues: from reds and pinks to burning blues.

If the name of your game is shame – we have all been there – it is so unfair to stare into the future. Should we shroud the pain or prepare it with a sterilized suture- steady hands sustain survival – stabbed in the front by a friend revealed as an actual rival. I am relieved our perfect plans fell through – looking back all I could see was me wanting you.

Crystal.

Compassion.

Girls are taught at an early age

To hold back rage.

Emotions are to 

Be locked up in a cage.

Never openly displayed.

I learned to cope

Hanging by a rope of

Hollow hope.

Never allowing myself 

To fall.

OR Fail

And in the moments I felt

Alive

Anger was a reminder

I must survive.

A passionate purpose.

Spiritually & Creatively::

Carefully calling out my

Courage. & Compassion.

                Powerful. I am not a "feminist" , this young woman is very brave...whoever she is.

Acceptance.

Human Beings have their flaws.

We have our scars

Too difficult to hide.

And relationship roller coasters

We choose not to ride.

I lost a child at 24

Don't have it me to lose

One more.

To Be a wife

Was never a goal::

To have my identity

Swallowed whole.

No thank you!

Its hard to trust

My heart these days.

So I sit in the shadows

Avoiding the rays.

Accepting what could never be.

Basking only in

My born again

Virginity.

Its not an easy path -

Letting go of wrath.

Holding on to

Anything sacred.

Scared to death

Of losing my breath.

Choosing acceptance over

Vengeance.

The 10 Rules for Being human.

The Ten Rules for Being Human::

1. You will receive a body.

2.  You will be presented with lessons.

3.  There are no mistakes, only lessons.

4.  Lessons are repeated until learned.

5.  Learning does not end.

6.  “There” is no better than “here”.

7.  Others are only mirrors of you.

8.  What you make of your life is up to you.

9.  All the answers lie inside of you.

10.  You will forget all of this at birth.

From the book “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules.” (Written by Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D., the “rules” have also appeared in “Chicken Soup for the Soul” by Jack Canfield.)

CHANGE.

Its easy to stay stagnant:

An immovable force.

Day in and day out

Plowing like a horse.

Work. Work.

Tick. Tock.

Living life

by

a
CLOCK.

I
do
Not
Live like that.

I
am
Not
a Robot.

You cannot program me.
Place me neatly into
your fantasy .

I will break the mold
Of your Illusion
Cause you confusion.
Until you break free of
Your own stubborn
Delusion.

If you are afraid of change -
If you do not care enough to
Make a move.
You have proved
Your point.

As for me
I change like the wind.
My heart is as vulnerable as
Wide- open waters. With no
Boundaries.
You can never
Contain.
You can try in vain.

Change is pain.
Yet I do it again
And again:

Love, break, shatter -
Putting my pieces back together
Repeating the cycle of
Society's force fed
Happily Ever After.

Alone (A Poem)

My decision to remain unattached
Has set a fire: struck a match.

The persistent-paradox:
That resurfaces as my
Soul Unlocks.

Released from months of pent
up emotion-
Only to wash over me like the
tides of the ocean.

Tried to resist the gates of my heart
from opening up yet still
They split apart.

The scary thing about not
being prepared
is receiving
the very thing you feared.

You either accept it or reject it.
In any case becoming the culprit.

Writing this now leaves a hollow space
No other can replace.
I understand now
Is the time to step back - Gracefully.
Take a bow.

As I carefully choose this road
Of solitary Confinement -
I bide my time
wondering what you & I meant.

XOXO,

Crystal.

We Were Once in Love.

When you know its fate

Karma needs a clean slate.

You can know someone your whole life

You could be husband and wife

See them every day

Yet never really know what to say.

You meet someone in a moment

And its like the BEST time you ever spent.

Other times the tension is so intense

You are not sure if you want to run or stay in excess.

Your heart races -

your hand traces

the outline Of their skin;

even the clothes they are in

Reminds you of a time long ago

The look in their eyes.

You can actually SEE into HIS soul -

His pain and joy.

In an instant you KNEW you ONCE "loved" this boy

So long ago. He came back into your life so you can GROW:

Together or apart: Thats up to your OWN heart.

Now he is a man and you are a woman ~

Both of you are committed to your children

Nothing is stopping you from taking the chance

Yet neither of you can move away from*fantasy* land

Into a REAL romance.

HOW can you just walk away

When there is so much to SAY....

Remember THIS is *karmic*

Meaning this isn't meant to last.

Do not compromise your FUTURE

By clinging to the PAST.

X O X O

*Unrequited*

He had swindled her heart.
They BOTH knew it from the start.

His LIES
Were her Lullabyes.

Words she NEEDED to hear.
They validated her fear.

She WANTED to believe
That there were NO tricks up his sleeve.

Even his HALF-truths were proof-
They were REUNITED to even an old SCORE:
But WHAT for?

Their ATTRACTION was mutual. It was MAGNETIC.
Yet he left her stranded. Feeling REJECTED.

Now we can let each other go
Release my soul.
There is no point in holding on
When we both know the timing is wrong.

She felt a FATED notion:
In another LIFE, she had BETRAYED his DEVOTION.

Payback is BITTER sweet.
KARMA has a funny way of pointing
out MISTAKES we REPEAT.

Until we make things RIGHT,
Deceit dwelling in plain SIGHT.

The UNIVERSE will always have the UPPER hand.
Its not for us to REALLY understand.

Wisdom is KNOWING when to put things to REST.
It hurts too much to feel your pain and regret.
We passed the proverbial test.

We shall REUNITE in another life time:
Maybe then, I will be YOURS
And you will be MINE.

MISTAKES of MY MOTHER. (a poem)

We REAP what we sow.

DO we really KNOW?

At the TIME, the consequences

of our ACTIONS seem trivial.

Only looking BACK can we see

What we did was pivotal

In who we ARE today.

When we lack SPIRITUAL knowledge

and grounding

We live LIFE our OWN way.

EGO & WILL control our every move.

When I said: I'll NEVER make my mother's mistakes -

What was I TRYING to PROVE?

When my daughter was born

The FUTURE seemed brighter.

There was HOPE.

Slowly it began to SLIP.

Melt away:

like soap on a ROPE

It is over a year later.

There are still times

when I falter.

There are still FEELINGS

Left unsaid.

Habits that I wish were dead.

Yet, although I am very much alive

My SOUL is yearning to STRIVE:

To find some sort of MEANING.

The PURPOSE of MY existence

On the bosom of my being

Cannot be denied

While grasping for food

There a MIGHTY will to SURVIVE.

I NOW understand the TRUE

Meaning of LOVE.

Even the days when I am BLUE.

Heaven seems to open up ABOVE.

In the DARKNESS

A light seems to SHINE

ASKING me... how PRECIOUS

IS your TIME?

Now, I finally see

Filtering through a sea

of UNCERTAINTY.

Perhaps I already HAVE made

HER mistakes

And that is OK.

Life is not ALWAYS black & white.

There are SOME shades of GREY.

You do not have to be anyone but

WHO you were meant to be.

YOU are allowed to make mistakes.

Find MIRACLES in LUCKY breaks.

Acknowledge suffering as PART of this

Experience.

Never REGRET your first KISS.

Even MOTHERS are only flesh & bone.

I have forgiven her lapse in judgment

We even talk on the phone.

Although she has never met her grand daughter.

That is alright.

At least, I have come to this Poignant point:

When I rest my head to sleep at NIGHT

I'm letting go of this FIGHT.

X O X O

LOVE.

LOVE is an *ACTION* Focus on LOVE ♥ NOT HATE. Love ♥ your mother,

father, sister, brother. LOVE your neighbor. Your friend. FORGIVE your

enemy. FORGIVE those who abandon you. Those who misunderstand you.

HATE begets Hate. ONLY LOVE can CONQUER hate. Hate will always

exist.

You can NEVER, should NEVER fight hate with more hate. We all have

made that mistake. ERASE "hate" from our vocabulary... If you TRULY

want PEACE ~ SHOW love, feel love. BE the walking, talking, living,

breathing example of PURE, RAW, 100% L*O*V*E* It is not a misused

word or over used word. In fact, LOVE is a word not used enough look

around - people who gossip, back stab, lie, cheat, steal, hurt ~ It is out

there. The world is not innocent. We are all guilty. Myself included. JUST

ONE 4-letter word LOVE can encompass ALL the JOY we hold in our hearts.

OUR SOULS were meant to SHINE. Our SPIRITS are meant to be LIFTED.

Just LOVE ♥. Have a WONDERFUL Weekend!!

GRACE.

“Everything I've accomplished I've accomplished through the GRACE of God and pure stubbornness” ~ Mary Fairchild

G*R*A*C*E is not only a woman's name.

GRACE simply means: we don't always GET what we WANT in LIFE & we ACCEPT that. Most importantly, we APPRECIATE & RESPECT those who care for us on a daily basis.

Grace is KNOWING how to handle ANY situation under pressure. Its knowing when to walk AWAY. WHEN to let GO. To be GRACEFUL is an ACTION. We can also LAUGH at ourselves instead of crying or be hard on yourself.

For example when someone "slaps" you (figuratively), you don't have to slap them back... There is no situation we face that is too GREAT for us to HANDLE. That is why GRACE is GOD -given. Ladies & Gentlemen:

WALK in GRACE Always, your friend,

C. :)