New York is the only real city-city. Truman Capote
I'm really rooting for this city, NEW YORK, NY.... its not the city of my childhood fantasies anymore. Sure its always been corrupt, thats the underbelly of any true metropolitan. We have our Rockefellers the we have our "good ~ fellas". This is truly a city for the tough & the brave. You have to have THICK skin to make it through the door.
As a young woman from Queens, "the city" was the place to be. My instincts told me to stay away, maybe it was the bright lights or the glamor, I just could not stay out of the LIGHT, the people, the action. Its not even as if I was chasing after anything.
Since I was in high school, the first thing my friends & I would do after class is grab the 7 train into Manhattan. MTV studios @ Times Sq. was our playground. We stood outside for hours meeting the Djs, hosts, & celebs just to get a glimpse, we got lucky many times to get autographs - we even got a chance to hange out with NSYNC & Backstreet Boys in the studio - Im dating myself now;-)
I was like any other teenage girl today who adores the Jonas Bros or Hannah Montana - I must make ONE admission however, although it was only within the last 10 years, innocence has declined. at that age, just to be in the same room was enough. I remember getting my hand into somebody's limo & their body guard lifted me out of the way. These days teenage girls are "exposing" themselves to grab attention.
It gets worse, grown women are selling themselves to pay the bills. This is what happens when our economy fails us. When greed corrupts a society. Its like a game of Dominoes, it only takes ONE to effect the whole group - at least dominoes are predictable - human nature, in all its intricacies is full of eccentricities.
How did I discover this? I've been keeping my eyes open & keeping sober. Alcohol is the beginning & the end for most men (and women). My connection with GOD has been so much stronger, hence he has given me the vision to see the truth.
Now when I walk into a busy bar where cocktails are over $20, men in suits have a worn-out-looking lady on their lap, I see what is going on. When a man tells me, he can go on Craigs list for a hooker that charges $200 a night, & women are putting themself in physical harm just to feed their children- I see where NY society is heading.
Trust me, Im speaking from experience NOT ignorance. Its surely easy money. Its a slippery slope into the dark - side. Just as what goes up must come down. What once was magnanimous can be overshadowed by evil.
Its tempting when you have NOTHING to lose. When you are being brainwashed by somebody you trusted. Thats why we cannot trust other human beings. As much as we like to turn to even the most rational person we know for guidance, when SURVIVAL trumps spirituality, morality, etc... selfish instincts kick in.
After my first 25 years of going with the flow too readily, lacking real ambition, settling for the average - my internal clock kicked in & accelerated into full gear. Life is a ROAD full of cul de sacs * sharp turns * false exits then you reach a "fork" One way is the tried & true safe... The other is unconventional: it could lead to self mastery & success or failure & pain. The road we choose all depends on our mental / emotional outlook & the people we are exposed to. So you see, its complicated.
Nay fear, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. This is only an introduction to my tunnel of darkness- the entirety of my last couple years can be turned into a novel. the fact that I survived is the true miracle. It was not even my own (free) will. It was my acceptance that Im not strong enough to hack it in New York, yet I keep coming back like a masochist.
Lord, when will I ever learn.
East Side, West Side, all around the town,
The tots sang "Ring-a-rosie," "London Bridge is falling Down";
Boys and Girls together, me and Mamie O'Rorke,
Tripped the light fantastic on the sidewalks of New York.
James W. Blake (1894)
